Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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