When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
