the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
