Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
