If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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