my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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