I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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