So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
