we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
