You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
