my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
