Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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