I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
