My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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