Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is the high leading the old right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
