I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
