what day is it and did you see me today?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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