i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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