Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize