so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
