ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
