farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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