I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
