better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
