I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
