she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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