I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
