Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
