"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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