i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
