**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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