Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The power of my boobs compel you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
