Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
