Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
