I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
