I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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