God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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