I want to have your abortion
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
