Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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