pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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