Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
