mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
