Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
