every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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