I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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