Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
