Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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