How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
