ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
