What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
