Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had sex on a roof
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
