once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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