The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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