dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize