this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is the high leading the old right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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