SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
