The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
