I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
