Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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