she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
