What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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