There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
