dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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